I am a maelstrom of emotion.
I am a twenty-four year old college graduate.
I am not employed in a full-time position.
I am not employed in my field of study.
I am afraid of failing my family, my friends, and myself.
This is not a blog to relive my college experience. If you want to hear that story (and you don't), then you can feel free to contact me another time. I will however begin this first one with some history.
Now for some backstory:
In the fall of 2007 I started at Slippery Rock University (SRU). I began as a Political Science major, and after a brief spell in Theatre, I moved to Marketing. I finished my Bachelors (BSBA) in Marketing and graduated in December of 2011.
During my time there I presented to CEOs of businesses that shall remain nameless due to copyrighted names that I don't want to (or have money to) pay for the rights to use, used myself as an item to promote & attempted to sell (metaphorically) myself through the organizations of which I was a part, and studied in Italy for a very brief time as part of the International Marketing program. I also was part of the ever growing Slippery Rock Sustainable push, driving sustainability into the conscience of the businesses.
I described those examples for three reasons.
1) I, much like the 19.7 million other students, have memories of the reasons why I chose the program that I did.
2) I have passion for sustainability.
3) I am a marketing-minded male.
After graduation from SRU, I decided to take one more detour before venturing out into the world of the approximate 7.5% unemployment for Business Degreed Grads.
I would like to believe that I am a man who keeps his word... and there was a promise I had to keep.
My young cousin was 12 years old when he passed. Jace and I were incredibly close near the end. I had told him about my classes, my college, my music, my cooking, and my dreams of one day being able to understand why cooking and baking work the way they do. He made me promise on November 27, 2007, that I would go to Culinary School.
Westmoreland County Community College (WCCC) has one of the best programs for Culinary and Baking Arts in the commonwealth of Pennsylvania.
I enrolled not three days after graduation of Slippery Rock University, into the Hospitality-Culinary Arts program at WCCC. Two weeks later the semester began.
I learned more than I could have ever thought to learn... including respect.
Any individual (including a funny anecdote about Dr. Frasier Crane) who has ever thought that opening a restaurant would be a simple task... should be tarred, feathered, drawn, and quartered.
Work in one. Take one evening, find a small restaurant where you can get to know the owner... Ask him/her if you can work in three positions: The Server, The Cook, and The Dishwasher.
You will understand why I will forever tip 20% at the least. You will understand why I say thank you to anyone who has to wash dishes after people who complained about every little thing have left half of their meal, that the cook slaved over, on the plate. You will know what it means to try to perform your best, and create a dish from ingredients, only to have someone's palate find it disgusting and ask for it to be thrown away AND an apology.
You will know what it means to stand in front of a four hundred degree oven, with a grill (Charbroiler) next to you turned the whole way up, and a six burner stove top with a sauté pan on each burner... for ten hours... each day you work.
I enrolled in and completed my Associates degree in Culinary Arts for several reasons:
1) I have a passion for the culinary arts.
2) I wanted to give my previously attained degree more assistance in the business/culinary industries.
3) I wanted to keep a promise to Jace, and myself.
How do these relate to the previous two reasons I chose my Bachelors?
1) Where there is passion, there is desire and work ethic. I have a passion for the arts and a desire to sell. I can not wait to prove what perfect storm can arise if given the right chance by a potential employer.
2) If I can market myself, I can market anything. How better to have confidence in your ability to sell, if you do not believe that you can sell yourself?
Now you're caught up.
This is the summer where everything is meant to fall into place. As we were told in college, just apply and you'll find a good job. Not only a Job, but a "GOOD" job.
I am currently employed at a video game conglomerate. I do not believe that I am able to use their name due to copyrights, so I shall call them "The Spot". I am an entry level employee working the 9 hours a week, in hopes that management will realize that I have no other restrictions and a business degree.
This is where my path has a fork in the road.
I can go off and move to one of the cities where I have applied one or a few of the 136 Job applications that I have completed, or I can stay in the greater Pittsburgh region and attempt to find a position that utilizes my skills in the Culinary Arts, Marketing, and Sustainability.
I thought that I suffered from "Graduate Atychiphobia", The fear of Failure.
I thought that I did.
I don't.
I do feel like a failure to an extent... but only because I do not have a full time position, or let alone a position in my field.
There is no worse feeling than having a potential employer look you in the eye, and tell you that you are not going to receive the position because you are over qualified...
I don't care if I'm over qualified! I want a flipping job! I NEED a flipping job!
I no longer suffer from Atychiphobia... I've seen the fear, and dealt with it.
I deal with failure, but when I get the job that I need... It will be my greatest success.
I live every day on a silver lining.
There isn't much that can make me tremendously ecstatic. Not much that brings me tremendous joy.
I do have friends and family that I don't see enough. I do have my musical ability which is mediocre at best, but I don't have a safety net. I don't have a full tank.
I'm running on fumes: "Silver Linings".
Today's Silver Lining:
1) I planted three Lemon Seeds about a month ago and realized that they are starting to grow into small trees.
2) I love my green thumb.
3) I love how thunderstorms scare so many, yet make me feel so calm. Refreshing.
I am scatterbrained, and slightly hyperactive.
I am positively depressed at times and happy with my failures.
A roller coaster would be nervous on the track of my mind.
I am a graduate.
I am not a failure.
I am not a quitter.
I will over come this unemployment.
I will obtain stability.
I am blessed.
but all in all...
I am a maelstrom of emotion.
Be safe.
-Alex-
